


You and Him

by Karratran



Category: Free!
Genre: A mother's suffering, Angst, Gen, Implied Crush, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, mentions of Haruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2005194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karratran/pseuds/Karratran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Toraichi, my love, what happened to our son?</p><p>It breaks my heart, it breaks Gou’s heart, but we can’t fix him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and Him

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while ignoring my histology teacher, and pretending I was paying attention. I nearly bawled, too, while I was at it. But, of course, I did cry while I was typing it into the Word document.
> 
> So you better enjoy. Or get feels.
> 
> Please tell me what you think.

Title: You and Him.

Author: me.

Rating: T. Or M because it’s angsty.

Today’s Theme: Dream.

Characters: Matsuoka Miyako, Matsuoka Rin, Matsuoka Gou, Matsuoka Toraichi.

 

Miyako's POV.

This shit broke me.

 

* * *

 

You left me, my love. You never came back from what you said would be a safe fishing. It hurts me so much.

I’m scared. What if they don’t love me as much as they loved you? What if they can’t remember you? What if I can’t fulfill my job as their mother and they go astray? I’m scared, but your mother helps me cope.

She helps me, and I help her, because it hurts her, too. Your father went out the same way as you, didn’t he? Your grandfather, also.

 

-

 

I can see him growing, our son. I can see him making friends, taking care of his sister, and assuming his role as the only guy in the family. I can see him dreaming, during the day and during the night. He sometimes has bad dreams at night, especially when there are storms.

His day dreams consist on swimming and smiles. I told him about your dream, and he was inspired, he now wants to become an Olympic swimmer! I really do believe he has what it takes, he’s very good and he doesn’t give up so easily.

 

-

 

He met this Nanase kid, and let me tell you, I’ve haven't seen him getting so excited about something ever since yo-

…

Rin keeps babbling on and on about this boy, so much that even your mother and your friends know about him.

 

-

 

Now he’s going to Iwatobi, to swim where you used to when we were kids, remember? He’s going to stay with your mom. He wants to swim with Nanase-kun. I let him go, because I want him to have the strength to pursue his dreams. I know it’s an odd time of the year to transfer schools, but he’s pretty adamant about this.

 

-

 

He called me last week, and today I’m taking Gou with me to your mom’s, to visit her and Rin, and stay for a few days, help him prepare his luggage, because he’ll get going after this Sunday.

He wanted me to get him a big cookie tin box.

Gou went to give the box to him herself, but she came back with it.

“Onii-chan didn’t want it yet,” He wanted it for the weekend, after the tournament ended. Ah, she met Nanase-kun, the way she describes him makes me think he’s pretty. Rin was very embarrassed. I laughed.

 

-

 

Oh, Toraichi, their relay was beautiful. How much I wish you could see them, see him. Today, more than ever, his smile reminded me of yours. He smiled the same way he did when he was a baby and you were holding him. It was that special smile he only showed to you. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.

 

-

 

Today, he’s leaving. Today it’s his flight to Australia, to train at the swimming school he applied since summer. I’ve been working two jobs and extra hours to afford him his plane ticket and extra expenses in Sydney, and not his schooling because he got a scholarship. Can you believe it? Our baby boy got himself a scholarship to swim abroad. He truly is your son.

My sweet baby.

Ah, my chest hurts, my throat feels clogged, my stomach feels so heavy and my hands are sweating and trembling. I’m not crying, even if my eyes sting, because he needs me to be strong for him. He is bawling his eyes out, though.

For a moment I thought that Nanase-kun would show up and see him off, but when the blue eyed boy didn’t show up and Rin didn’t bring it up, I knew. Rin didn’t tell him to come and see him off because he didn’t want to say goodbye. It would be harder to leave.

And I couldn’t really understand just how much my son had gotten attached to the boy.

 

-

 

Sometimes, I go through the few belongings my baby boy left behind. I flip through the pages of his Iwatobi yearbook and I read his essay. My Shining.

For some reason, every sentence reminds me of Nanase-kun.

I can’t remember how the boy looked like anymore. I know he’s important to my son, but I can’t remember…

 

-

 

Sousuke-kun goes to the same middle school as Gou, and they get along well, but I know they wish that the one hanging out with them was Rin, instead of each other.

 

-

 

He came back for the winter break. I could tell he felt sad, but I didn’t pry.

He decided to take a walk, and I let him.

When he was back, he smelled of chlorine, like he went swimming, but seemed sadder and his eyes were puffy. I held him close and let him cry in my bosom. We didn’t say a word.

 

-

 

He’s back to Australia, but he comes back for the holidays.

Each time he comes back, his silent aura and his bitterness only seem to grow in par with his height and build.

My baby boy is beautiful, but his broken heart makes him unapproachable. The shards are too sharp.

It hurts.

 

-

 

He came back for his second year in high school. But he’s attending a boarding school, so I don’t see him at all. In fact, he didn’t even wait for Gou and me to pick him up at the airport. It’s almost as if he didn’t come back at all. He doesn’t answer our phone calls or texts.

Toraichi, my love, what happened to our son?

It breaks my heart, it breaks Gou’s heart, but we can’t fix him.

 

-

 

I’ve heard that name again. This time, coming from Gou’s lips.

Nanase Haruka.

I find it amusing that his name is also girly, just like our son’s.

 

-

 

Gou told me everything. I wish I could talk to both Rin and Nanase-kun. There are so many things I need to tell them.

 

-

 

Toraichi, Rin is following _your_ dream, not _his_. I thought it was a coincidence, but no. Our son is not living his life, he’s living yours. How can I help him? This is not what we wanted.

 

-

 

I know where Nanase-kun lives, Gou has told me. But I can’t bring myself to interfere. I want my son to be strong enough to fight for himself.

But what if he’s carrying too much weight for him to hold on his own? What if it crushes him? What if he _can’t stand back up_?

I’m scared, Toraichi. It’s as if my fear of not being a good mother has come true. Our precious boy, what if I ruined him?

 

-

 

I cry at night, when the dreams of him drowning in his own pain wake me up.

 

-

 

Gou told me about the relay. How, despite being in different teams, Rin swam with Nanase-kun and the other two boys (“It’s Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun, mom!”), together, after all this time.

She told me about the sacrifice Ryuugazaki-kun made, giving up his place to let Rin swim.

She told me about Rin hugging Nanase-kun.

I waited for her to finish her dinner and go up her room, then I went to the kitchen and now I’m sitting on the floor, crying.

 

-

 

Rin came today. He started his apology too serious, but the tears got to him and he cried in my embrace, just like he used to when he was little. I cried with him.

But, unlike the last time I saw him cry, three years ago, these were relieved tears.

My baby bo- No.

 _My young man_ has returned home, to the arms of his mother, after having lost his boat and his crew to the storm of his heart.

He tells me about his side of the story while he keeps wiping fresh trails of tears from his face. I can feel that he isn’t telling me _every single_ detail, but that’s okay. There are things he must figure out on his own, now that his heart has been fixed.

He also shows me the picture they took after the relay. And I remember how Nanase-kun looked like. He really _is_ pretty. I also notice the way Rin looks at him, with that stupid expression of endearment, and I smile.

 

-

 

"Rin?"

"Yeah?"

"...You do realize that I told you about your father's dream so that you could have a dream of your own, right?"

His smile is sad, yet sincere.

"...I know that now... Thank you, mom."

 

-

 

Rin comes to visit from time to time.

Sometimes, I get calls from his Academy to verify that he’s home, and he’s not. I smile, and answer “Yes, indeed,” because I know where he is.

I hope Nanase-kun comes to visit sometime, too. Rin spends a lot of time over with him, but I want them to spend some of it here, with me.

I want to meet this boy and thank him for having saved my son.

I have a feeling that you would like him.

Or maybe you already do, but I don’t know if Rin took him to visit your grave yet. Maybe I should ask.

 

.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr~!  
> karratran.tumblr.com


End file.
